I'm a Demon and I Need Your Help...

I’m a monster.

I don’t mean that in the sense that I’m a terrible person or anything like that; I mean it in the sense that I’m a monstrous Hell-creature that feeds off human fear and misery. You may be wondering why I’m writing this to you; it’s because I need your help. I’ll get to the specifics in a moment, but first I’d like to explain why I need your help at all.

About sixteen hundred years ago, some practitioners of black magic discovered an ancient Latin text and summoned me to this plane of existence to do their bidding. Only, one of the warlocks, Adriel I think his name was, messed the ritual up so that I was no longer bound to do their will. Apparently they wanted me to enact an apocalypse that would destroy the current world order and set them up as leaders. I decided that was a bit much so I just slaughtered them all instead.

I might have enacted the apocalypse anyway, but Adriel’s screw-up caused me to be summoned with only a tiny fraction of my power.

Even so, I left Adriel alive, mostly because he seemed like a good lad. He went on to become a baker later on if I recall correctly.

I burned the summoning scroll and went back to my plane of existence, where I had been tormenting lost souls with my kids. However, it seems like I should have killed Adriel after all, because unbeknownst to me, he had transcribed the summoning ritual and bequeathed it to his children after he died. The scroll was lost for centuries, until one of Adriel’s modern descendants discovered it in his great-grandfather’s attic while preparing for an after-death estate sale.

He decided to get it translated out of curiosity, and afterwards he decided that the contents would make a great “creepypasta.” He even included the original Latin incantation for flavor. This was a few years ago when the fad of ritualistic stories was still booming. To my great surprise and distress, my summoning instructions became somewhat popular. At this point, I hadn’t been to Earth in over a thousand years, and I had been summoned by the most powerful of dark wizards.

Now, every few days I was being whisked out of Hell by some drunk teenagers shining flashlights up at their face in their bathroom trying to scare each other.

You see, a long time ago, when literacy was exceptionally rare, my summoning ritual was extremely complicated. But in the days of booming literacy rates and Google translate, it’s become absurdly easy.

Luckily for me, though, Adriel didn’t just fuck up when he summoned me, he fucked up when he transcribed the ritual as well, so that I’m not bound to anyone’s will when I get summoned. That’s a good thing, because drunk human teenagers usually ask me to do some pretty weird stuff. However, I still only get summoned with a tiny fraction of my full power, so I usually just terrify them to their very core before whisking back to Hell so that they won’t bother me again.

That was until Lucy.

Last month some six year old girl found my “creepypasta” summoning ritual, and decided to try it out. By chance, she got the ending right. I suppose it was bound to happen eventually; it was only a small mistake that Adriel made in the transcription after all.

The problem is that she’s not actually evil in any sense of the word. She’s managed to summon a demon capable of bringing about the Apocalypse, and she has me do things like materialize cotton candy and puppies out of thin air.

Her parents are always flabbergasted when they arrive to pick her up from school and she’s surrounded by at least eight puppies.

At this point, I don’t even care about destroying humans and feasting on their souls anymore, I’d really just like to go back home. So I’m asking for your help. I need someone here to complete my banishing ritual so I can go back to Hell and live in peace.

It’s actually quite simple, you just draw a pentagram in a mirror, light seven candles and read the following words:

Daemonum Magister ab antiquo,

dono tibi mea corpus, gratia liberabo vos

ego vivere invite vos intra corpus mea

ego immolo anima mea

nos vanae humanae creaturae,

nos apetimus mortis et infernus

producat in fine hominis

Amen

So if anyone could help me out it would be greatly appreciated.